I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
