My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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