Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
