yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
