I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
