What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
