I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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