There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
