At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
