That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
