i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
