You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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