He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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