booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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