Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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