He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
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I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.