I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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