I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...