What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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