I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Enjoy the penises
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
