cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
