I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?