So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
me + whiskey = a bad person
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.