I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.