do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
