Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
