did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
