I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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