i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
