i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
