it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize