After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
