Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
