it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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