Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
