Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
