Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
