Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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