kristin has been a bad kristin
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
