There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
