My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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