Screwed.edu
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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