Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
