Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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