Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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