You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
