just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
