I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
