i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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