He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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