there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
