So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
