Your tits are I can't wait for
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
did i just pee glitter
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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