Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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