I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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