did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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