Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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