They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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