Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
