it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
