i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
