We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
