Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
