i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
