Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
