There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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