You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
