They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
