...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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