I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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