Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
try to milk me bitch
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