It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish you could order shots online.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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