Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
