She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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