What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They took my balls.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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