I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
