she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So many bounce houses so little time
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
