They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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