You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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