I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Acid is not a monday night drug
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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