hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
