his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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