I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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